Its been 20 years already, I realized it when i stood there. Cause when you just think of the years, 20 is just a number, not a particularly large number but not small either. But when you stand there, in front of the tombstone, and you look back at each year that person have been missing in your life. The 20 years feels like a lifetime itself, and you realize that you have created a whole life without the most caring person you had when you was a child. And that feels good, It hurts, but it feels good. It shows that life is something you create every second of your breathing existence and that I never stopped creating it, time stood still for a while, but I still created a life of my own. Thats what we do in situations like that, we struggle, we fight, and we survive, ALWAYS.
I was 9 years old back then, now i am 29, you built the safety net and the foundations for me, and just look at what i have accomplished and created for myself now, when I stood there at your tombstone 6 years ago from now, You where the driving force for me to get into writing and creating music, a world where i could speak out, and share my thoughts, and the first one i shared was the thoughts about you, The track was called Resurrection where I shared my experiences the last couple of days before you died, and how this was a new beginning for me, created a new self, even though I have realized now that i wasn´t creating a new self, only experiencing a new side of myself, It felt good to see it that way, it gave me the peace i needed. And now i sit here six years later and can look back on releases and a music video and standing on stages in different countries, something I thought was impossible to accomplish.
So thank you for being the driving force in my life still, you are my muse, my love and my accomplishments. And I now your spirit is out there with me watching over me wherever i may go.
Mom, I Love you always